my "dear john" letter.

on my way out the door for work this morning, i heard john say to jack, "we're going to be working on patience this week, buddy." jack babbled something back that sounded like, "shawshank... shoe... bubble... mom?" i caught a glimpse of them in my eye as i turned to shut the door, both of them snuggled together in john's recliner, jack looking up at his dad while they settled in to catch up on some sports highlights from the night before.

it reminded me of a list i've seen floating around the blogosphere the past few weeks. rules for moms of boys. particularly, it reminded me of this one:

Let his dad teach him how to do things
...without interrupting about how to do it the 'right way.' If you let his dad show and teach and discover with your son while he is growing up, some day down the road (after a short period of your son believing his dad knows nothing), he will come to the realization that his dad knows everything. You will always be his mother, but in his grown-up man heart and mind, his dad will know the answers. And this will be how, when your son is too busy with life to call and chat with his mom, you will stay connected to what is happening in his life. Because he will call his dad for answers, and his dad will secretly come and ask you.

sometimes i want to be the one to do it all. i want to teach my son everything, and i want to be the one he comes to when he's wondering about something. when he's sad. when he needs an owie kissed. when he wants milk. when he can't turn on his toy. when he wants "are you my mommy" read for the 800th time.

but i also think a son's relationship with his father is so important, and i am so proud of the one that jack and john have. i love that he doesn't cry when i leave in the morning because he is just that happy to be spending the day with dad. i love that he has john's sense of humor and that his sneaky little smile is the mirror image of the one that's usually plastered on the face of the man i married. even though sometimes, i want to be the only one he wants, i'm happy that that's not the case.

and i have john to thank for all that.

dear john,
thank you your endless patience. first with me, and now with our son. thank you for your ability to remain calm no matter what new struggles you encounter. thank you for always seeing the silver lining when i can't. thank you for teaching our son all the important 'stuff' he needs to know as he grows... you know, like which beef jerky flavor is more delicious, which bubble guppies have secret romantic relationships and how to yell MOM when you need something.

thank you for never allowing yourself to be phased by my obsessive compulsive nature. thank you for introducing me to salsbury steaks, hamburger helper, 'the league,' and essentially every album i've ever enjoyed for the past 8 years. thank you for always believing in me and us, no matter how crabby i am or how crazy things get.

you are a wonderful dad. you are teaching our son to be an independent, happy, well-adjusted little boy, and i love you so much for that. you're the best.
xo, me.