a [brief] list.

things that annoy me, a thank-god-it's-almost-the-weekend-LIST!

[1]

(from here)

i am so sick of seeing all these "keep calm and _____" prints. keep calm and drink coffee. keep calm and call batman. keep calm and drink wine. keep calm and eat chocolate. do people actually hang these up in their homes? keep calm and chew xanax. i don't know about you, but anytime anyone tells me to "keep calm," i immediately kick it up a notch and begin feeling so annoyed and out of control that that person's safety is in peril.

[2]

photo from here, where you can read about his most offensive statements.

rick santorum. do i need to say any more? why is this creepy nut job running for president? why has anyone voted for him in the primary? why hasn't he seen the light and dropped out? the only thing more terrifying than this bigot campaigning for office in this country is the fact that he can't accept that he is not electable. time to hang up the sweater vest, rick.

[3] people who say things like, "you look so tired." "are you feeling ok today?" "you must be exhausted." "you poor thing, you look run down." SHUT THE EFFFFF UP. i'm EXHAUSTED from dealing with people with poor manners, ahem, you. i feel crappy when my day consists of run-ins with people who can't tactfully interact with others. i am tired of biting my tongue when people like you say stupid shit. dude, i am TIRED. i was tired before i had jack, i was tired when i was breastfeeding and i am tired now. because it is a busy life i lead, and you try fitting working, mothering, wife-ing, reality tv watching, sewing and basement renovations into 24 hours. i figure i'll be tired forever, so you can stop commenting on it. or i'm going to start commenting on how scrunchies are so 1990.

but it's not all bad around here, folks. i discovered some funny things this week, too.

[1] alibi cologne. it's not that i support cheating on one's spouse or going to strip club's behind your significant others' back. it's just that i think this is hilarious. my-car-broke-down cologne or i-was-working-late cologne? funny. i need to get some no-i-wasn't-wasting-time-on-facebook perfume, or maybe some john-i-did-not-spend-the-last-hour-watching-the-real-housewives-of-atlanta perfume.

[2] this twitter. apparently this person told their 82 year old dad that twitter was actually google. so old man types searches into twitter. it's pretty funny. equally funny: ghetto hikes twitter, where a man who leads inner city kids on nature hikes records things they say on their adventures on his twitter.

and, hands down, the funniest thing that happened to me this week: while out of the office, i called my friend greg's office extension, but couldn't reach him. when i got back, he didn't answer again, so i sent him an email, asking a question. he called me back at my extension to answer my question and confirm that i hadn't gotten through to him on his extension. and then he goes, "are you out of the office today?" to which i replied, "no, greg. you called my office extension." i laughed so hard i cried.

a relaxing weekend to all!