Thursday, February 9, 2012

the one wherein i become "chopped liver."

i knew this day would come. i was *sort of* mentally preparing for it, but i thought that it would be something i'd encounter a year or two down the line. i thought it would be a more subtle shift culminating in me arriving home from work to find jack and john snuggled on the couch, both laughing at the same simpson's episode or both playing some video game perhaps, sharing giggles over inside jokes to which i am not privy. i expected that there would come a point when my son would realize that john is clearly the more fun parent, but i really did think that i had some time left to enjoy being the center of his world.

well, apparently not. last night we were out running some errands, and we perused the toy aisle because i am working on a project that may or may not go better with some little matchbox-type toy cars. so the three of us are enjoying a jaunt down the aisle when jack starts motioning that he wants out of the cart. he wants to walk, and so we oblige. he is walking down the aisle now, pointing at things, looking at stuff, and then he grabs a thomas train and... throws it into the cart. and i can't help but laugh because it's so cute. i mean, we're not getting that train, but we can pretend til we hit the end of the aisle.

and we carry on this way for a little bit, and then we reach the end of the aisle, and jack's getting pretty handsy with the merchandise, so it's back into the cart he goes. and he starts pitching a fit because HE DOES NOT WANT TO SIT IN THE CART. he's arching his back and throwing his head back and making it quite clear that HE IS NOT SITTING IN THIS CART. NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT, MOM, NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT. after walking up two aisles with this crazed 15-month-old maniac, john picks him up, hums a little tune, and baby INSTANTLY melts onto his shoulder and sighs. calm and content. we walk a little bit, and john hands him to me, and he begins WRITHING in anger again. "THERE'S THAT WOMAN THAT MADE ME SIT IN THE CART!" his eyes seem to sneer. "DON'T LET HER NEAR ME, DADDY, PLEASSSSSEEEEE." so, john again picks him up and calms him down with some soft words and quiet humming.

you all know that i am inwardly SEETHING now, right? outwardly i am all like, "awww, good boy. being so nice to daddy. that's nice. good boy." and inside i am like, "ohhh really, jack? you want to calm down for your father, do you? where was daddy dearest when you couldn't get enough of the boob during your 3 month growth spurt? where was daddy at 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. and 6 a.m. and 8 a.m. the first week home from the hospital? and where was your precious daddy when mommy was freezing cold in her car pumping to gaping onlookers in an attempt to provide you with every ounce of sustenance?" but i mean, i totally wasn't bitter or anything. i was just delivering an epic monologue in my head.

so this continues on, and jack is all nestled up on dad's shoulder, walking through the store all "i won! i won!" and instead of looking at this whole situation rationally like, "wow, isn't it nice that my husband can get our baby to calm down when he's having a tantrum?" or "isn't it nice that my husband takes a very active role in parenting our son?" or "in the future, you shouldn't give in to your son's whims and let him down from the cart in the first place," i analyzed the whole situation and decided instead that obviously my son hates me and loves john more.

so i did what anyone faced with this situation would do. i ate a piece of candy. i opened up a candy wrapper and loudly and conspicuously started to eat it because i knew that would get jack's attention and he would want to be near me, his mom, the one with the candy.

and of course, that's what happened.

i am not proud of what i did, okay? but it was an irrational, emotional response to an incorrect assumption and when that happens, what do you really expect?

i feel compelled to provide the following details: at the time i got the candy out, jack was fully calmed down. i was not rewarding bad behavior with a snack. i was merely trying to reinforce the fact that I AM A SUPER COOL MOM, JACK. i was merely trying to stay in the good graces of my 15-month-old son. we all need reminders of things. we need bonuses from our jobs to remind us to keep doing our best. we need sweet cards and chocolates from our significant others to remind us that they love us and appreciate all we do. and we need to share candy with our parents to remind us that they're super awesome and super cool and we should love them EQUALLY. (hear that, jack?!)

oh, by the way, i don't PLAN on doing this regularly as i am working on fully accepting that john is more fun than me. I ACCEPT THIS. it is just going to take some getting used to, okay?

judge me. judge away.


  1. Jack is smart. If John had been the one to put him back in the cart, you would have been the one he leaped to. Next time, make John play bad cop.....

  2. I am not looking forward to this day - it's inevitable that Johanna will someday "soon" also realize that Berto is wayyyy more fun.

  3. PS - good job w/ the blogging lately! New Years resolution?

  4. All I can do is laugh. You and I are so much alike. Your blog is wonderful and I enjoy it!

  5. @Kristin - Yes, that would be a completely rational, calm, collected response and take-away for next time. :) @Liz - yes, I am trying to be better about blogging, so I can remember more. @Colleen - thanks! I love yours, too, except it usually makes me HUNGRY! :)