Thursday, September 9, 2010

parade of horribles.

as they say, ignorance is bliss, right?  well, if it's okay with everyone, i'd like to remain blissfully unaware.  (yes, this is in regard to pregnancy related information).

now, i'm not being naive.  i've researched the things that seem important to me right now (the hidden secrets of cloth diapering, a complete and detailed list of all the baby things you absolutely do not need, and some do's and don't's associated with breastfeeding).  but i'm not too keen on delving into every single, solitary fact and/or detail associated with being pregnant, giving birth or raising the baby after he arrives.

i'm sort of a pregnant procrastinator, truth be told.  i mean, we've been slowly putting the nursery together, piece by piece, and we could probably kick it into high gear and finish it off pretty quickly.  and i think we have most of the basic essentials we need to welcome baby home.  and i do have a living will, advance directive and durable healthcare power of attorney (while sitting at the doctor's office during my glucose test, i texted a work colleague and asked her if she could finalize these documents for me before the baby comes.  she immediately called back in a panic, asking if everything was alright.  i suppose that might be worrisome; my legal mind was just going about business as usual).  but the list of things we haven't done seems so much more numerous than those we've completed.  we haven't toured the hospital, we haven't taken any classes, we haven't decided on a name, and we haven't filled out a "birthing plan."  and that's fine by me.  as i said, i like the whole ignorance is bliss thing, at this point.

so, why is the rest of the world insisting on sharing gruesome pregnancy tidbits with me?  seriously.  i can't go anywhere these days without someone sharing some god-awful birthing story or their tragic experience with breastfeeding.  thanks for your efforts, people, but i'm fairly certain it's not going to be that helpful to me to know that your next door neighbor needed 4 stitches following the birth of her first son.  can you believe that last week someone actually shared this story about a friend of a friend of a friend who lost her baby at 33 weeks, even though, up to that point, she had had a completely normal pregnancy?  ok, thanks, lady... add that to the list of things i need to worry about before i fall asleep tonight (1. are those interrogatory answers finished?  2. did i pay the electric bill?  3. is someone going to sue me for malpractice? 4. will my baby up and die on me tomorrow?)

today's unnecessary pregnancy tidbit was brought to me courtesy of some of my bosses.  a few of us were milling about the office later than we should have been, discussing i-can't-even-remember-what, when the talk turned to giving birth.  (and with an office full of male colleagues, except for my female partner in crime, i'm not really sure why this happened, or always seems to happen.)  anyway, i was informed by one of the partners that many women bring home the placenta.  they use it in their gardens.  or they plant a tree with it.  or... [cross my heart. swear to god.  this is what i was told.] they. eat. it.  they eat their placenta.  my first question was, "in america?"  maybe that's naive, ignorant, or worse, but i guess there's this whole part of our culture about which i know nothing.  and, really, i was happy to know nothing of the people out there eating their own placentas.  i mean, i think there's a word for that, and i think it starts with a C and ends with annabilism.  no, really.  if you think i'm being judgmental, i'm sorry.  i just don't get it.  the human body is crazy and amazing and i have an appropriate amount of what i would consider reverence and awe over it, but eating a by-product?  i guess that's where i draw the line.

i'm a worrier.  i think about things that shouldn't even cross my mind for months or years to come.  i mean, i think about things i'm going to need to instill in my high school age child, who, as you know, has not yet even made his appearance in the world.  but there are some things that even i can't condone thinking about.  and one of them is placenta-eating.

here's my sincere apology if this post has offended you.  you're welcome to fry up a nice big pan of placenta, if that's what floats your boat.  me?  i can't be sure, but after giving birth, i'm thinking a nice steak, and an ice cold miller lite.  but again, that's just me.

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