intervention: episode one. crack-whore redo.

Welcome to the first installment in a four part series entitled Once Upon a Time... I went to Goodwill to find funky picture frames to spray-paint for a project and discovered FOUR chairs instead.  Yes, you read that right.  Last week, I headed on down to the Rescue Mission Thrift and emerged the proud owner of not one, not two, not even three, but four chairs.  (Actually, I bought three chairs... went to work and tried to ignore the nagging voice in my head that told me I should have bought that fourth chair... finally gave in to that evil voice... drove back to the Rescue Mission and bought the last one to add to my collection... but c'mon... let's not let facts or the truth get in the way of this story). 

Now, just a quick disclaimer.  You might be thinking that I bought a set of chairs, as in four pieces of furniture that match and will be used in conjunction with one another.  Ohhhh no sireeee!  These are four very different chairs and I intend to clutter up four different parts of my home with them.  Ohhhh, I sincerely wish I had had the foresight to capture on film John's face when I arrived home, my little Ford Escort jam packed with these new purchases.  I brought them in one by one and lined them up in the living room, while John watched silently, his brow furrowed in a quizzical expression.  See, I don't need the gratification of John's seal of approval (because rarely are my "ideas" or "projects" met with anything except an eye roll, a stern warning or a lecture about past mishaps).  Anyway, my captive audience (John, Jack and the canines) seemed collectively underwhelmed in regards to the new furniture, but I hardly let that deter me.  Peeps, I've been scouring Pinterest for weeks searching out all sorts of inspiration for these chair re-do's and damnit if these four chairs aren't going to be the cutest little things you ever did see... someday.

So anyway, specimen one.  Do you watch the show Intervention on A&E?  You know the sad one about the addicts at the end of their rope who are screaming for help?  And 2/3 of the way through the hour, they're whisked off to Palm Springs or Ft. Lauderdale for 90 days at some posh resort rehab facility only to emerge looking well-rested, tan and happy, rejoicing in their new sobriety?  (Yeah, it's totally a feel-good moment, until the credit music starts, and some white script rolls across the screen informing viewers that "Doug left rehab early against the advice of the facility.  He relapsed three times, and is currently living on the streets of New York.  His family has not had contact with him since September 14, 2008".)  Well, anyway, specimen one was a hot mess, crack-whore in need of a visit from a furniture-style Candy Finnigan/Jeff VanVonderen (my favorite interventionists, fyi). 

the "rock-bottom" BEFORE:

Please note that ripped cushion.  It pretty much smelled like a homeless crack-whore, if you sniff my drift.  Forrrr riiiiilll.  

When I brought the coveted collection home, I did not intend to start my project with this chair, but Jack started climbing all over it, which I proudly announced to John meant that my purchases were a grand success... and didn't he feel silly for ever doubting me???

John decided to head over to my parents' house for a guy's night with my dad and brothers, and after Jack went down for the night, I cued up my DVR'd Jersey Shore and gave my little Snooki-chair the beating she deserved.  (Wait, are we talking about the chair re-do or is this a commentary on my guilty pleasure/reality-tv watching?)  But in all seriousness, crack-whore had several layers of tanning bed on top of an otherwise solid wood frame, so I sanded down the nastiness and primed the heck out of her.

A few coats later... the AFTER:

If this really were Intervention, I suppose that music would start, and a disclaimer would flash, something like "Jack later broke that chair, and John hauled it out to the yard for a weekend bonfire," but luckily enough that chair's made a genuine turn-around.  I'll keep you posted on any developments, though.

Stay-tuned for the sequel to this story, coming soon (give me a week or two) to a big screen near you!