Friday, June 10, 2011

my time.

the title of this post is somewhat ironic considering that i have been nothing if not amazed at the sheer lack of "me time" i've had since my little bean came into this world over seven months ago.  this post is not about the things i do in the few moments i have to myself every once in awhile.  it's not about how i think it's important to regularly steal a few minutes of uninterrupted time of my own every day (because truthfully, it doesn't happen on a daily basis).  in fact, this post is about making the most of the time i have with my baby boy. making the most of the time i have while he's mine.

yes, he'll always be my son.  and yes, he'll always call me mom.  and yes, no matter if he is seven months old or twenty-seven years old, i firmly believe that we'll have the sort of relationship that is born the moment you grasp the awesomeness of the concept that you are growing a living being inside you.  but, let's face it, he's only mine for such a short amount of time.  in the grand scheme of things, he'll be someone's husband and father for much longer than he'll be just mine, just my baby boy. and so, i must remember to drink in these days like the sweet nectar of summer's first freshly squeezed lemonade.  and in the midst of the busy and chaotic stream of events that i call my life, i remember this.  and i stop. and i squeeze that baby just a little tighter, spinning him around, his toothless grin spreading wide across his face, his tiny hands grabbing at my face, his little body pressed close against mine.  for now, he is all mine, and i love every minute of being with him.

last weekend, we embarked on a roadtrip to cincinnati to celebrate a weekend of love and happily ever after with family and friends.  i have to say i was more than a tad anxious about spending 20 hours roundtrip in the car with a baby, but off we went with a what-doesn't-kill-us-will-just-make-us-stronger can-do-it attitude and lots of baby gear in tow (speaking of which -- supreme shout out to my uppababy g lite umbrella stroller.  it's amazing and light and a fabulous travel companion... and jack just loves adventures under his umbrella ella ella ehhhhh stroller).

in the middle of this long journey, something happened. something wonderful. i managed to leave it all behind, live in the moment and have a truly remarkable mini-vacay. doesn't sound that remarkable, i know.  but it was great. i did not check my work e-mail or voicemail once on this trip. i didn't think about the burgeoning to-do list waiting for me on the right corner of my desk at work.  i did not allow myself to worry about the piles of unfolded laundry scattered about my basement. i made an active choice to forget all about deadlines and itineraries and schedules. and i decided, this is my new perfect.

 because what is life if not an opportunity for baby races complete with excited squeals and crescendo-ed cries?
a time for snuggles with wee ones, who always find the softest place to land?
bath time with the little ones (even if the littlest one also decides it's an appropriate time to go number two?!)
a time to revel in the magic and wonder written all over a child's face as he experiences something new?

this cincinnati trip provided all these opportunities and more. and on the way home, after my sweet little angel had stolen a few licks of mama's ice cream cone and fallen asleep peacefully under his favorite blankey, i stared out at the dark stretch of highway and somewhere between the middle of illinois and home, i made a new year's resolution in june. i will live every day the way i lived this vacation. i will take advantage of these opportunities for happiness, wonder and joy. i will treasure each moment of this short time that he's all mine. 

happy new year!

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