on getting stuff done.

back when i was pregnant, i liked to talk a big line about what i was going to do while on maternity leave.  i had dreams of all the crafts i'd accomplish, all the christmas goodies i'd bake, and all the holiday outings i'd attend.  my mom suggested that my time off was not necessarily going to be a vacation, and that perhaps i was being a little naive or maybe overly ambitious about the first few weeks of motherhood.  i dismissed these ideas; i was the epitome of over-achiever.  of course i would do all these things and more.  afterall, a never-ending "to do" list is just part of who i am.

well, who am i anymore?  as i look around my living room, i'm slightly disgusted by the stack of mail, breast pump accessories and unfolded laundry strewn about.  on the other hand, i showered today, so actually, it's been a good day thus far.  i guess mom was right.  maternity leave has not been exactly what i was planning.  but as my mom said yesterday, "you've always had to figure things out for yourself."  which is true.

now don't go thinking that i'm not loving motherhood thus far.  because i totally am.  but it's so weird how everything has changed so drastically in such a small amount of time.  i have been jack's mama for a little over 5 weeks now, and in some ways, i can't remember myself before he was here.  but of course that seems ridiculous.  i can vaguely remember what it was like to be able to run to target to peruse the aisles for things i didn't need without a care in the world, without the constant glancing at my watch in a panic ("does he need to be fed?  changed?  i need to get back home right away.")  i can sort of remember being able to eat with both hands.  i remember being able to get into my bed, lay head on pillow and sleep contently for 6, 7 or even 8 hours at a time.  (ok, very vaguely.  very, very vaguely.)

but, anyway, they say life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.  and as cliche as it sounds, it's so true.  just when i was feeling as uncomfortable as i'd ever felt in my life, preoccupied with nesting to the n'th degree and worrying about a million things and the aforementioned never-ending to do list, my water broke, and this tiny little being came into the world and just... changed everything.  my outlook on life, the width of my hips, you know, just everything.

we spent the first few weeks in a haze, albeit a blissful, sleep-deprived, what the hell am i doing and who let me leave the hospital with this tiny man haze.  but the fog is lifting, folks, and we are emerging.  mama has strapped on her babybjorn, and productivity has begun increasing exponentially around here.  we actually assembled the christmas tree, strung the lights and hung the ornaments!  i am caught up on laundry (for the time being; try not to blink too fast)!  the dishwasher has been emptied!  and... (drumroll please) jack has been sleeping 5.5-7 hours per night, every night for the past week.  you'd be surprised at the motivation a little extra shut-eye can bring to a person.

so... anyway, instead of doing what the old me would have done (spend every waking moment trying to get as much done as possible), the new me is going to spend today celebrating my recent productivity and the accomplishments of the past five weeks....

from this,

to this.

we've come a long way, baby!

on precious moments.

sometimes, in the middle of the night, the wee hours of the morning, when my whole house (except for me) is fast asleep, i look down at the little baby sleeping contently in my arms and i think, all the sleep deprivation in the world is worth this one little moment.

i look down at his tiny little hands, curled into fists that rest by his ears, and i try to soak in the rhythmic hum of his breath.  i try to memorize everything about his perfect little face, his tiny nose, his pouty lower lip.  every day he changes, and to me, looks a little different than he did the day before.  and so, even though i have not slept more than 4 hours at a stretch for the past three weeks, in these quiet moments, in the still of the night, i am at peace with the lack of sleep.  being awake for these moments gives me the opportunity to soak up this precious time with this tiny little man who won't be so tiny for so long.  happy 3 weeks to my dear little boy.

ole faithful.

i've heard it from every single parent i know, so it's probably cliche of me to say, but time flies with babies around.  for real.  i can't believe little baby jack will be 2 weeks on wednesday.  ok, it's not like he's graduating from college or going to senior prom, i know, but it's still amazing to me to think that 2 weeks ago, i was carrying that little peanut in my belly, and now he's hanging out on the outside, melting my heart ... like every minute of every day.

and in the past 12 days, jack has experienced many important milestones that he's basically just slept right through.  his first hike/walk... his first wedding... his first sweater vest... you know, life-changing moments.  i have  experienced some life altering moments of my own.

leaking in the workplace.


last friday, i headed down to the office to do some checking on some of my files, update the other attorneys on some cases, and just generally reassure myself that everything was being handled in my absence.  i had made the rounds, chatted with colleagues about cases, stopped to give baby jack updates to inquiring paralegals and secretaries, and was one conversation away from heading home when i felt it.  liquid.  on my chest.  i looked down.  houston, we had a problem.  apparently my body was telling me it was time for a jack snack because i had leaked through a nursing pad, a t-shirt and my sweater.  immediately i was horrified.  how long had this little scenario been playing out?  had everyone in the office noticed, but been too polite (or disgusted) to inform me that i was indeed geysering all over my clothes?  for the love of god!  i would have marched right into the office of my lone female colleague to round table the situation, except it being the day before her wedding, she was out of the office tending to important business involving programs and favors.  "now what?" i panicked.  should i just hightail it out of there and forego my meeting with the last attorney?  should i try to find some awkward way to use my purse as a shield over my leaky right boob?  the OCD part of me decided i had to finish all business as planned, so i opted for the purse shield and made my final stop.  i survived the conversation, leakage and all, and headed out to my car, where john and the little man were waiting.  the minute i got inside, i turned to john, burst out laughing, and pointed to "the situation" (who, as you now know, is not just a jersey shore character).  "look what happened!"  we both had a good laugh over it.
i'm just hoping that while we were finding some humor in the leaky event, everyone in my office wasn't gathering to discuss same.  ahhh well.  i'm sure it's not the last leak we'll have to plug.  cheers to breastfeeding!

all in all, i have to say, i'm having a good time being a mom.  john and i are just figuring out this whole parenting thing, but we're trying to take it all in stride, enjoy the precious moments, and laugh about the "crises averted."  a special thank you to little jack for being so patient with us.

on having mah baby.

yes, that's right, everyone.  this is not a post about the misery that is the last few weeks of pregnancy because...  i am not pregnant anymore!  jack was born on wednesday, weighing in at 5lbs., 14 oz., 19.5 inches long.  at some point i promise a longer post on the story of his arrival, but, for now, the pictures will have to do.

little jack has already become his father's favorite tv watching companion...

and he also provides endless hours of entertainment for our two original babies, kingsley and gracie. (both dogs are enthralled by any whimper or cry he makes.  they stand guard at his bassinet.  gracie, particularly, is a little mama, and has taken it upon herself to assist in all things jack-related.)

anyway, just wanted to share the good news.  thanks for sticking with the blog reading even when it became months of endless complaining about swollen ankles and hands, and insane worries.

on being overly pregnant and stubborn.

a few months ago, my husband and i debated on whether we'd continue our tradition of hosting an oktoberfest-themed party for family and friends.  john's vote was a resounding "no;" he thought it was too close to the baby's arrival date, and too much for us to worry about.  he promised fuegerfest would be back at some point, but that this year, it was a definite no-go.  at first, i agreed with him.  it did seem like a lot to tackle in the last trimester, and husband is usually a tad more reasonable about these kinds of things.

but the more i thought about it, the more stubborn i became.  we needed to have this party.  i needed to prove to myself that no matter how pregnant i was, how miserable i felt, i was still the same person who enjoys planning/organizing/hosting creatively themed shin-digs for family and friends.  and so the me vs. john battle lines were drawn... and (you can see where this is going), i won.  at nine months pregnant, we hosted fuegerfest II.

while preparing for the event, i seriously thought i was going to cut my right hand off out of frustration.  really.  (but there's no need to rehash the carpal tunnel issues at this point.)  in fact, in one moment of desperation (after chopping apples for a good long while), i thought to myself, "curse you and your stupid pride!  why can't you ever listen to john and be reasonable!  you deserve every second of this numbing pain in your hand!" 

but a nice warm glass of apple cider and a short stroll around the block reminded me that i was not, in fact, going insane.  the smell of delicious baked goods permeated the house, and i remembered why i love fall, and why we ever thought of hosting this party anyway. 

it was a lovely day, and it was a great to spend time with wonderful family & friends.  i must admit, i was a little jealous about not getting to partake in the sampling of the delicious german brews, but i think i ate enough dessert to make up for it (calories wise).  my favorite dessert of the party was apfelstrudel kasekuchen (apple strudel cheesecake).  you can find the recipe here; it was aaaammmmaaazing.

my little nephew, michael paul, was the tiniest german (minus my little bean, in utero) in attendance, and he also happened to be the most popular guest.  what. a. doll.

another big hit was the arrival of some family friends... in traditional german lederhosen!  john joked that reinhardt and mary earned the honor of naming our firstborn as a result!

anyway, now that the food's been eaten...

and the biers drank, it's OFFICIALLY about time for my tiny (1/2) german bean to arrive.  c'mon little man!  we're oh so ready to meet you!

tactical maneuvers.

i'm sorry if you're tired of hearing of my pregnancy woes.  i'm, frankly, sick of talking about them.  i'm at that stage where i've lost all patience, and every part of my body is failing me.

i've got some wicked pregnancy carpal tunnel in my right hand.  i've had some issues with carpal tunnel before (thanks three years of law school!), but my stylish wristbands aren't helping at all.  if i do anything (including type these few sentences), my hand goes completely numb.  apparently the remedy is avoiding repetitive movements and elevating my hands.

my ankles are retaining water.  apparently the remedy is elevating them.

my toe is recovering from it's little procedure.  apparently the remedy is elevating it.

dear lord, please tell me how i am supposed to sleep on my side, while also elevating my feet and hands?

any advice would be greatly appreciated.

white flag.

today i had a little surgical procedure on my foot.

said procedure was necessitated by my refusal to accept that i can no longer wear my pointy toe work heels.

i am currently debating whether to wear teal blue crocks or black flip flops to court tomorrow.  (if you have a strong feeling either way, please let me know.)

is it any wonder that maternity and eternity sound so similar?  really.  i'm waving my white flag.